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"SPIDER-MAN 3" (PG-13)
"Spider-Man 3" is
undoubtedly, the worst in the franchise...
By Tom Houseman
In the first Spiderman, the phrase “with
great power comes great responsibility” is repeated ad nauseam. You
might remember that line if you saw the movie and have ears. Well,
director Sam Raimi has the power, and he is using it to destroy
Spiderman. Raimi’s $250 dollar abomination is an insult to Spiderman,
and all arachnids, as well as being further proof of Raimi’s intent to
turn everyone’s favorite web slinger into an emo teenage boy. There have
been plenty of awful superhero movies lately (Hulk and Superman Returns
come to mind), but Spiderman 3 may be the worst.
The first two Spiderman films were melodramatic messes, but Raimi was
able to overcome their absurdity with explosive action sequences and
enough fun to make the experiences worthwhile. But in Part 3, the film
is drowned in an ocean of drama, and the escape boats given to the
audience are all broken. Spiderman 3 features three new villains:
Sandman (Thomas Hayden Church), Venom (Topher Grace), and Hobgoblin, aka
Harry Osborne (James Franco). On top of that, there is the resurgence of
the nauseating Peter, Harry, Mary Jane love triangle. The situation
might be passable if any of the three lead knew how to act, but that is
not the case. Tobey Maguire can play nerdy to perfection, and Kirsten
Dunst’s portrayal of an untalented actress is spot on, but any actual
acting they do is lost in the pit where their talent is supposed to be.
James Franco comes closest to giving a decent performance, but Harry
Osborne is such a poorly developed character that Franco isn’t allowed
to do more than brood and yell.
Sadly, not even the action sequences are up to par. The first encounter
between Spidey and Harry Osborne as Hobgoblin is shot so poorly that it
is difficult to watch without getting dizzy. Even the better fight
scenes between Spiderman and the Sandman are unable to capture the magic
of Spidey’s best bouts with Doc Octopus, although the effects for
Sandman are impressive. And then there is the serious disservice to
Venom, one of the best villains ever. In the film, Venom is a space
parasite who attacks Spiderman, makes him even more angsty (if that’s
possible), and causes him to spurn Mary Jane for Gwen Stacy (dear God,
Bryce Dallas Howard, you are a good actress! Stop making only awful
movies!) We only see Venom as a super villain near the end of the movie,
which is far less than this terrifying creature deserves.
In addition to the visual extravaganza that is only missing the kitchen
sink, Raimi throws in some comedy in an attempt to make the experience
more bearable, but the result is, unfortunately, the exact opposite.
There are several sequences in which we see Venom’s affect on Parker,
including a prolonged dreadful dance sequence involving him and Gwen
Stacy. Newspaper man J. Jonah Jameson (J.K. Simmons) has his traditional
wacky antics, but these ridiculous, campy scenes, when combined with the
painful melodrama, make Spiderman 3 even worse. The only highpoints in
the movie a cameo by Bruce Campbell as a French waiter, and a hilarious
one-line appearance by Stan Lee, but these diamonds in the rough do not
come close to compensating for the abysmal 140 minutes of Spiderman 3.
Sadly, it seems as if the onslaught of new Spiderman films will never
cease, but maybe Sam Raimi, in a delightfully ironic twist, will be
crushed by a meteor carrying an evil parasite, and will be replaced by a
competent director who can make Spiderman the movie he deserves.
**/**** |
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